Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
