The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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