How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
