dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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