For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
