I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just invented taco cereal.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
