Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
