Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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