I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
