Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
