i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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