the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
