i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
