Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
