I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
