The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
