Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
