im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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