A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
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