All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
