Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
