The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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