My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
