I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
