Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
