You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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