I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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