i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
