$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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