he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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