So drunk its hurt
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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