Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
