I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
