Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize