new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just want nice things and good sex
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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