If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
