I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
