Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
