I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
