New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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