i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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