I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
