We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
