I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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