Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
