My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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