My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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