Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
