found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
