I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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