i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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