i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
