Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
