Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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