there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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