Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
