i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
