jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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