Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
