Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
love makes seman taste better
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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