My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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