Need sex. Gaining weight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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