how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
