i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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