I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
