paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
