Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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