I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
