So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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