I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sex in a hospital.. check
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
