Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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