I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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