the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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