I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
