Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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