Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
3pm strippers are depressing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
