The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize