Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my shit smells like andre
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
