i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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