my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
