Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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