watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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