FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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