It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
