i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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