it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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