You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
