i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
